Motherhood Isn’t Either/Or: You Can Care for Baby and Yourself
When you became a parent, did it feel like the world expected you to disappear?
Like your needs suddenly came second or didn’t matter at all?
It’s a story many new parents hear:
That good motherhood means giving everything and expecting nothing.
But here’s the truth I want you to remember:
Motherhood isn’t either/or.
It’s both/and, and you matter too.
The Either/Or Myth of Modern Motherhood
So many parents enter postpartum already carrying the weight of impossible expectations.
You're told you can either:
Bond with your baby or sleep.
Breastfeed or have personal space.
Be a "present" parent or prioritize your own health.
These false choices are exhausting. They're rooted in outdated, unsupportive narratives that have been passed down without questioning.
Here’s what those narratives don’t acknowledge:
That support systems matter.
That healing is a full-time job, too.
That a nurtured parent creates a nurtured home.
When your identity is reduced to caregiver-only, your whole self is pushed aside. And over time, that erodes your energy, confidence, and clarity.
The either/or myth keeps you stuck in survival mode. But what if there’s another way?
What If You Could Have Both?
Imagine this:
You finish feeding your baby, then step into a warm shower without rushing.
You ask for help and receive it without guilt.
You attend a postpartum class, not because something is wrong, but because you're worth investing in.
This isn't indulgence. It's sustainable parenting.
Because the truth is: when you take care of yourself, you're better equipped to care for your baby.
Postpartum is not just about your baby adjusting to the world; it’s about you adjusting to your new world, too.
And you deserve guidance and support in that process.
The Real Costs of Ignoring Your Needs
Let’s be honest. When your needs go unmet, it doesn’t just affect you.
It ripples into everything:
You feel burned out and emotionally depleted.
Your relationships start to fray under the pressure.
You second-guess your parenting decisions.
You start to wonder, "Why does this feel so much harder than it should?"
And then comes the guilt.
The silent voice that whispers, "You should be grateful. Other parents have it harder."
But the presence of love doesn't erase the presence of struggle.
Your experience is valid.
You can love your baby deeply and still feel overwhelmed.
You can be grateful and still need help.
You can show up and still ask for more.
What Happens When You Start Caring for Both?
When you give yourself permission to care for your body, your emotions, and your energy, not just your baby, everything shifts.
You feel more grounded
You’re not running on fumes, and your body starts to trust the rhythm again. You notice moments of calm between the chaos.
You become more present
Instead of just surviving each day, you start noticing the little joys: the way your baby stretches after a nap, the softness of their breath against your skin.
You model healthy balance
Your baby grows up seeing what it means to honor their own needs, because you showed them how.
You reconnect with your identity
Parenthood expands you. But it doesn’t have to erase you. When you carve out moments for self-connection, you start to remember who you are beyond the diapers and dishes.
You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone
Many new parents wonder, "This sounds wonderful, but how is it possible?" If you're feeling this way, you're not alone.
We're often given guides on swaddling, feeding, and baby care, but rarely are parents taught how to truly care for themselves in the postpartum period. What about your nervous system, your sleep, your hormonal changes, and your emotional well-being?
This is precisely where expert postpartum support makes all the difference. You don't need added pressure; you need a gentle space to recover, a structured environment to find your breath, and a plan that prioritizes your healing alongside your baby's care.
You Are Allowed to Feel Good in Motherhood
You don’t have to choose between your baby’s needs and your own.
You don’t have to wear exhaustion as a badge of honor.
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
You can:
Be loving and have boundaries.
Be nurturing and need rest.
Be devoted and still want to feel like yourself.
Because when you’re resourced, everyone in your home feels the difference.
And your baby? They benefit most when you feel seen, supported, and steady.
Want expert support for your postpartum journey?
Check out our Postpartum Doula Services for a Smoother Start. It’s the perfect first step to care for the version of you that comes after birth.
Because how you prepare for birth... shapes everything that follows.
And you deserve a postpartum experience that feels steady, supported, and truly yours.